When They Ghost You: Should You Reach Out?

So, I went out with this guy a few times, and everything seemed perfect—until he ghosted me. He just vanished without a trace, no calls, no texts. Instead of dwelling on what kind of person would do this, I want to explore whether it’s a good idea to reach out to someone who ghosted you if you genuinely like them.

Is It Worth Reaching Out?

Believe it or not, if you really like someone and genuinely think they’re a good person, there’s no harm in reaching out again. I’ll share my experience and talk about how and when it might be a good idea to reconnect

The Story

I met this person through a dating site back in the spring of 2024. We clicked almost immediately. He picked me up in his fancy sports car, and I was impressed by how handsome and well-spoken he was. We drove around town, then decided to park and take a walk. It was a nice day, but his company was even better. He was kind, compassionate, and knowledgeable—honestly, I was proud of my judgment.

We had a lot in common: cars, gadgets, and a shared passion for rap music, especially Kendrick Lamar. When he dropped me home, he politely asked if he could kiss me. I remember those moments felt like an eternity, waiting for him to ask me out again. When he finally asked, I quickly replied, “Yes!”

I came home genuinely smiling and blushing, unable to stop thinking about him. The next morning, we exchanged a few cute texts, and by evening, he’d already asked me out on another date. I was so impressed—no messing about. He was direct and quick, something I rarely encounter. We went out for food, walked around town, and he held my hand while crossing the street, which I found incredibly sweet. We shared another kiss before parting ways.

When Things Changed

A week went by—or at least it felt like a week—and he asked me out for another walk. I eagerly said yes. I’d been wanting to see him again for a long time. We planned to meet after his work on a Wednesday evening. But for some reason, I had a bad feeling about it, almost like a premonition that it might be a bad idea and should be postponed. But I still went ahead and met him.

We took a long walk around our university, Queen’s University in Belfast, and I started to sense that he wasn’t as interested in me. He was walking and practicing his Duolingo on his phone, and I took that as a sign that he wasn’t into me at all. When he dropped me home, I kissed him on the cheek and left. As soon as I walked through the door, I knew he wasn’t going to call or text. And guess what? He didn’t.

Days turned into weeks, and there was no sign of his texts. I started to wonder what I did wrong. Now, I know I should have reached out if I really wanted to, but maybe I didn’t because of my ego. Maybe because social media filled me with false notions of dating, or because I started to believe that if a man doesn’t chase you, then that’s fine—but I won’t chase either. Instead, I let it go.

What I Did During No Contact

During this no-contact period, I prayed, took care of myself, decluttered my house, fasted, practiced Pilates, and even switched from coffee to matcha. There’s no shame in reaching out to someone you really like, but first, you need to focus on yourself.

Being in a no-contact situation can be confusing and make you feel low, but it’s important not to engage in self-destructive activities like drinking, taking drugs, or hanging out with the wrong crowd. Instead, indulge in positive self-care—get your nails done, book a relaxing massage, plan a holiday with your girls, and just love and take care of yourself.

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Before You Reach Out: A Few Things to Consider

• Be Ready for Rejection: If you decide to reach out, be prepared for the possibility of rejection. It can be hard, especially when you’ve just picked yourself up, but approach it with an open mind.
• Don’t Take It Personally: No matter the response, remember that it’s not personal. Timing might not have been right, or they may already be in another relationship. When you do reach out, keep in mind that it’s not a reflection of your worth.
• Be Honest About Your Feelings: If you decide to reach out, don’t shy away from telling the truth. For example, you could say, “Hey, I hope you’re doing well. I’m not sure what happened last time, but I wanted to reach out and see if you’d be free sometime to catch up again. If not, I’m still open to friendship because I genuinely think you’re a nice person and would like us to stay friends if that’s okay with you.”

Being clear and open with your communication will more likely lead to a positive response. In my case, this guy replied back saying he would like us to stay friends as well, and that was good enough for me. It’s worth having someone in your life who helps you grow and inspires you, even if it’s just as friends.

Conclusion

In the end, we’re all just people trying to find connection in a complex world. Mistakes happen, and sometimes, the perfect timing is simply missed. If someone has stayed on your mind, don’t let fear or pride stand in the way of reaching out. Sometimes, a second chance can lead to something beautiful—whether it’s rekindling a romance or discovering a meaningful friendship. So, be kind to yourself, trust your heart, and remember that reaching out isn’t a sign of weakness but of courage and hope.